


Feelings and Metal.

by Sunnyshine_D



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life, half life vr ai
Genre: Anyways yeah, Benrey/Tommy can be implied romantic or platonic, Forzen and Darnold are mentioned throughout so I tagged for them, Gen, M/M, Or QPP!, Other, This is mostly a mess of headcanons just mushed together, lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:01:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27774214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunnyshine_D/pseuds/Sunnyshine_D
Summary: This work is basically a mess of my headcanons for HLVRAI all mushed together. The headcanon Benrey loves metal was by someone on tumblr, but I can't remember for the life of me who came up with it. If you know let me know! As for now, have this! :) See if you can spot all my headcanons lol.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta, Bubby & Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	Feelings and Metal.

Benrey never understood feelings all too well. It loved the sweetvoice immensely; it was like a little code only it and its friends knew, and no one else could tell. It didn't like feeling vulnerable like that. It prefered it that way.

When they finally got out of Black Mesa following the Resonance Cascade, it took a massive special interest to human music. It started out slow; it would listen to music in it's spare time, flicking through artists and albums and more before it finally settled on a genre it felt it loved. Metal.

There was a special kind of power about metal, it thought. There were so many emotions in it, but it wasn't sappy. It wasn't vulnerable. It wasn't anything more or less than it needed to be. It just was. It was powerful without softness; it was feeling in all the right ways. Benrey listened to it almost constantly; nodding along to it's favourite bands whether at work or home or any place else. It didn't need to sleep much, if at all, so it would plug in its headphones over long nights and shut its eyes, and that was close enough, it thought.

Slowly, over time, it got more and more into it, "purchasing" (Tommy tells Gordon not to ask) instruments and getting super passionate about it. They start making and recording their own music, but for the first while, it's only the instruments.

Gordon and Tommy come home one day and hear this heavy, thrumming guitar, and the most powerful soul music bursting out of Benrey's room. They crack open the door and Benrey is fucking BUSTING out its heart into this song, headphones on and head-banging and biting its lip as it plays the guitar with every bit of energy it has. It sounds amazing. Neither of them have ever seen Benrey look so....alive. Tommy cries.

Sometimes Tommy and Gordon like to tell it they're going out, just so they can hear it sing again.

Benrey writes more songs based on it's feelings. It names songs after colours; none of its fans know what they mean, and many theories swirl, but the science team understands. That's what's important to Benrey.

When it's upset, instead of pestering and causing problems now, it goes to its room and writes. It pounds on the drums, rocks the guitar, sometimes screams its feelings out into the mic until it feels better. It begins pushing its negative feelings into its music. It's like a special kind of therapy made just for Benrey.

At this point, it doesn't know any of its friends can hear it singing at home. One day it's rocking out to a song it wrote; it's not the first love song Gordon's heard it write, but it is the most emotional. Gordon finds parts of it rather familiar, in a way he can't place. This time, for reasons he doesn't know, he steps into the room.

Benrey finishes the song, somehow without noticing he's there, and manages to switch the mic off before sweetvoice bubbles out. Big, thick bubbles of pink and blue float into the air, and it's turned away from Gordon, hands clenched in it's shirt, shoulders hunched.

"What does that one mean...?" It's a soft question from him, but it makes it whip around, clearly mortified. Gordon swears he sees it blush, but it could be a trick of the light; Benrey's room had terrible lighting. More pink and blue bubbles out, seemingly without it's control, and it coughs, looking away. It doesn't say. It's not ready yet. Gordon watches it for a minute, quiet.

"Can I hear you sing more?" Benrey does it's absolute best to hold the explosion of pink bubbles and nods. Gordon doesn't pester on his other question. Not now. He understands. He finds he understands Benrey a lot better, lately. He smiles.

It starts becoming pretty popular, and eventually gets a decent following. The science team is delighted and proud, showing up to its small shows and helping pay for things when needed. They all cheer it on at shows so hard it has to fight back sweetvoice, and eventually it starts to laugh more at dinners, genuinely smile more when they're together. It seems happier. Music really is its therapy.

Gordon is talking to Tommy one day, absentmindedly. The two will sometimes just ramble to each other about whatever's on their minds; neither one minds, they both like to talk as much as listen. He mentions the pink and blue, an afterthought, but the way Tommy's head whips around tells him it's more important than he'd assumed. Tommy questions him further, and eventually smiles, obviously delighted.

"What?" Gordon questions, confused. "What is it, T? What's it mean?" They laugh, giving him a toothy grin and staring for a moment, seemingly deciding whether or not to tell. The pitiful look Gordon is giving them makes them laugh again, but they crack.

"I told you, Gordon, they're all rhymes!" Gordon sits for a moment, and Tommy tries their best not to laugh at him as he visibly tries to puzzle it out. Sunkist nudges them and they sigh, deciding to take pity on their friend.

"Pink to blue means I love you, Gordon." Gordon snaps up right, the gears visibly turning in his head. His face explodes in red, and he stutters, clearly disbelieving. Tommy shakes their head, sighing.

"You're both so oblivious. You know he writes those songs for you, right?" Gordon sits back on his haunches and thinks about that. And he thinks. And thinks.

He doesn't stop thinking about it for the next week, actually.

He lays up at night listening to Benrey quietly put lyrics together through his wall. He listens during the day to it play as he does his work; he hums along to tunes he knows in the shower, and he finds his fingers drumming in time with Benrey even when he's away. And he realizes it's not the music, so much, that hasn't stopped pervading his mind.

Gordon makes his decision.

Benrey has a show that coming weekend, the biggest one it's played so far. It's clearly nervous, hands constantly wringing in its shirt and semi trimmed claws picking at its fingers in a way that is both nauseating and adorable to Gordon. He finds his way backstage before the show, clears his throat to announce his arrival.

Benrey looks over, a small bubble of grey popping out of its mouth, and Gordon makes the split second decision to wrap it up in his arms. It stiffens, but relaxes much faster than either of them probably anticipated. They both idley note that this is their first hug whilst sober as Benrey tucks its face into his shoulder, breathing deeply. Gordon rubs its back gently with his prosthetic arm, taking a deep breath.

"You can do this, Ben." Benrey swallows thick and hard at the nickname, and Gordon continues.

"We believe in you." Gordon pulls back, and if he saw a shimmer over its eyes, he doesn't mention it. It nods, and gives Gordon the most stupidly dazzling grin, and Gordon has no idea how he didn't notice sooner. He leaves to join the crowd in a daze, whereas Benrey walks onto the stage with an heir of confidence it's friends have never seen. They've never been so proud.

The show is an absolute hit; the crowd is screaming, the pit is bursting, Benrey looks amazing in the spotlights, Gordon notes. It's head is thrown back, a grin on its face as it belts out its songs, and Gordon finds himself doing more staring than cheering this time. Tommy playfully nudges him in the ribs; he laughs and nudges them back. They give him a knowing smile, and he prays the shitty lighting in the crowd hides his blush.

The science team nearly pounce it after the show. Coomer is wearing at least three t-shirts from the small shop outside and chattering excitedly; Bubby feigns indifference, as usual, but they're smiling softly and they're wearing a shirt too. Tommy is stimming uncontrollably, hands flapping as they hop from foot to foot, and Darnold is delightedly laughing along with Coomer's chattering, complimenting Benrey on it's show. Even Forzen is there, a massive toothy grin on his face as he playfully digs his cousin in the ribs, obviously proud.

Despite the attention, Benrey's eyes drift up to Gordon's through their friends. Gordon smiles at him in a soft way, and Benrey feels like it might melt on the spot. It steps forwards past their gathered friends, who step aside, and Darnold, Tommy and Coomer waste no time very un-subtlely whispering to each other about it.

"Hey Ben," Gordon greets as it approaches, and they grin at each other.

"Sup, Gordos." Gordon laughs, rolling his eyes, but it's in more of a playful way than an annoyed way, now. He holds out his arms and Benrey wastes no time stepping into them, and they choose to ignore the noises coming from their friends. They look at each other for a moment before cracking into giddy laughter, foreheads bumping together. Gordon opens his eyes and finds Benrey already looking at him. They stare for a moment as Gordon builds his confidence, hands slightly shaking, and his still-flesh hand feels clammy and gross. He hopes Benrey doesn't notice.

"So…" Gordon starts, and Benrey snorts, but doesn't interrupt. Gordon takes another deep breath.

"I know what pink to blue means now." Benrey's eyes widen, and it has the thought to turn and yell at it's friends, but the way Gordon laughs dazzles it out of the thought for a moment.

"And, y'know what Ben?" Benrey feels like it's swimming through the air, trying to keep focus on Gordon.

"What?" It asks, almost breathlessly. Gordon gives this nervous, shy kind of smile, and Benrey thinks it might explode.

"I love you too."

And that was the first time they kissed. The science team has never been more proud.

Benrey is glad it got into music.

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!! I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment if you like and let me know what you liked! 
> 
> I have writing coms open and you can reach me here or at @dreamquity on tumblr! <3


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